I think I have depression. =\
I've been feeling more and more like shit each day now.
Thoughts of self-harm have come back. Though I'm not going down that route again..
But that's not worrying me..
The thoughts of suicide are.
And I don't know how to tell Gaz how I feel.
He'll just think I'm being stupid, and childish, and have a go at me for it.
When, as you can imagine, that's not quite what I want to hear.
If ever I did actually manage to pluck up the courage to tell him, and he has a go at me,...
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Recently, the boyfriend has become the 'ex'.
I've started a new year in college.
I've made some awesome new friends.
One in particular. ^_^ You know who you are.

And that special person, he gave me so much. Confidence; freedom; safety, and in a few years probably liver failure! Haha!
The best feeling he gave me though, was love.
I've never had such an intense feeling before.

I love this feeling. I love him.

But the situation makes it feel so wrong. This is the only thing I hate about our relationship...
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My ex-boyfriend has been pissing me off for the last GOD KNOWS how long, and yesterday me and him had one of the biggest arguements I've ever had with anyone.
And I thought I would share it with the whole wide world that, today, when I saw him, I got THE most wound up I have ever been, to the point of me shaking with adrenaline, then I had a go, he said one thing wrong to me, then I slapped him square in the face, and now I feel great. =D
Thought I'd tell you all. xxx

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Me and the boyfriend I was on about before have FINALLY broken up. XD Now, I've met someone else, and only now do I know what love is. Everyone has their own definition of love, but I thought I'd share mine with you. (Here come the cliches..)
Love is when you meet a guy (or gal), that makes you happier beyond belief. It makes you want to cry everytime you say goodbye, and you can't help yourself from looking back, just to see them once more. From them, a kiss, a touch, even a smile can change ...

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Well, I'm in a bit of a pickle..

I have a boyfriend, but there is a guy I REALLY like..

And my boyfriend is treating me like shit.. So the obvious choice would be to dump him and go for this other guy right?

But why is it that when that thought crosses my mind I start making excuses up for him..? Saying stuff (to myself) like "he doesn't see me because he has lots of college work to do", then I realise he's finished college. Then I say stuff like, "Well, he's just got a lot going on with his mum...
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See, now I haven't seen my boyfriend in absolutely AGES! and we arranged that I'd come up to his today. But, low and behold, he's made up another excuse for me not to see him, YET AGAIN at the last minute! And we have something really important to discuss too, and he still finds some way of getting out of seeing me! GRRR!!! Well, it just means I can spend the day with one of my best mates instead! =D

Next time I DO see him, harsh language will be used.

And there will be pain.

Lots of pain.

=D
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